is this love?

i love you so much i don't like your ex because i can't comprehend how much that relationship not working must have hurt you and the idea of you feeling hurt, even at a point in your life that has nothing to do with me, is worse than knowing that if it had worked out back then we never would have met and fallen in blissful, peaceful love.

..and now, 30.5 years of life later, i'm learning what love really is.

its beautiful. its selfless. its fundamental.

title change

no longer a 20-something.  weird and yet ok.  question of the day: do i change my blog title?

was going for low-carb all day but my resolve weekend in the end and i over-indulged in chocolate covered ginger.  sigh.  when will i learn how to have will-power?

anyways - it doesn't matter b/c tomorrow is a new day and i'm going with a plan:

morning:  strength training + cardio
breakfast: nonfat plain yogurt + 5 almonds (815 pm)
lunch: 4 egg whites + spinach + tomatoes (1 pm)
snack: string cheese + 6 almonds (4 pm)
dinner: lentil soup with spinach + tomatoes
snack: nf yogurt

i think my lunch-snack may be slightly light -- so maybe i'll pack some yogurt with me just in case.

wednesday will be as follows:

morning: strength training + cardio
bfast: yogurt + almonds
lunch: lentil soup
snack: string cheese + almonds
dinner: salad with ground turkey (yes i'm bringing meat back...it's the only thing that made me lean so even though i don't feel good eating it..nothing feels as good as feeling skinny and nothing brings me back to my fighting weight like eating animal protein (unfortunately)

let's see how this week goes.

next week: my jump back in to bikram yoga after at least a year without it.

week 1 - no chocolate

i've decided that luna bars don't count as chocolate...i know they do..but i've decided, since i forgot i was doing this challenge and had a chocolate chunk luna bar this afternoon, that they don't.

next week will be the 'i'll sleep when i'm old' challenge. wish me luck.

do what you say

in mid January of last year I wrote a list of 'challenges to accomplish' in my blog - and i have really not accomplished many of these.

here they are:

1 - do bikram yoga for 1 week straight.
2 - do boxing for 1 week straight
3 - eat no chocolate for 1 week straight
4 - refrain from discussing hackneyed subject matter for 2 weeks straight (COMPLETE)
5 - take no cabs for 2 weeks straight (i had put 3 wks here, but let's be practical) (COMPLETE)
6 - make my own meals for 1 week straight (no eating out/take out)

ok - so 4 and 5 have been completed but the tough ones are still on there:

1 - do bikram yoga for 1 week straight.
2 - do boxing for 1 week straight
3 - eat no chocolate for 1 week straight
6 - make my own meals for 1 week straight (no eating out/take out)

To this - I would like to add: lose 5-7 lbs by late March. (which may just happen b/c of these goals - hah!)

My first endeavor will be chocolate - and actually I will not touch chocolate for all of March! :-o Which is hilarious - b/c i literally just downed 1/2 a box of dark chocolate covered blueberries.

Let's see if I can do it. It will be extremely difficult as I eat it ever day.

In fact. I would say I spend $5 a day on something of the chocolate variety (during the work week) - so that is $25. I will *4 and that $100 I will use to buy chocolate (or perhaps something more nutritious) for a homeless shelter. yes. done and done.!

I will start Monday, Feb 27th - and go until March 27th!

i dated an alien

it's weird when i see you now in photos in our social-media centric world. i look at you and it's like i dated someone from another galaxy. it's like i dated you - and i don't even remember doing it. i don't remember the laughter, the heart fluttering with emotion; and i don't recall the enormous consistent mass of tears post-breakup (and, lets be honest, during the relationship). i really don't remember feeling much at all!

i just saw a picture of you and i said aloud to no one in particular, "it's like i dated an alien! ahah"

this is funny for many reasons, but most pointedly because the last words i ever said to you were 'we are clearly on 2 different planets'.

isn't it strange? time and new experiences heal all crazy alien-induced wounds. perhaps time is cryptonite (and now you all know that i love a good analogy)

yet still i find it so strange, that such a strong bond of intimacy - can end so abruptly and after a while, it all just fades away. so maybe it is just all attachment - i'm attached so i miss you - but then i forget you because you're out of my day-to-day and so my attachment declines - and as you leave my day-to-day i think of you in a different, more negative, light - and so my attachment turns almost to disdain for a while, and then it finally levels out into this weird, humorous bout of apathy.

and the funny thing is - you probably feel the exact same way...and you probably felt it much sooner than I did. and i'm completely ok with that, finally!

so good luck and good bye - my former flame from a "galaxy far far away"

(that's a star wars reference for those who don't know)

it's silly...

but i can imagine us living on a farm...or in brooklyn - me wearing long skirts and juicing away while working from home loving you and your hippie ways.

it's silly really - but i daydream about this happening- us living our laid-back hippie life happily and naively smiling and loving - thankful for every day.

i'm crazy to daydream like this - but i suppose even 29 year-old me is allowed some silly day dreams...

i know i might dig you because i would move away from the urban delight that is new york city. away from the police sirens and trash trucks that wake me every night, away from the high-stress fast-paced environment of it all - away away to a farm, to a village, to a place with grass and leaves and zero Michelin star-rated restaurants.

ah what a silly silly daydream it is.