fun and bingeing

i had a lot of fun.

eating whole bags of processed cheddar fish-shaped crackers and pints of chunky cookie dough full-fat ice cream for dinner. vitamin deficiencies be damned.

i had a lot of fun.

cupcakes, cookies, white bread and cheese sandwiches, wine, mojitos made with so much sugar that the glass looked dirty from the sugary crystals swirling round and round, intertwining with mint and ice.

i had a lot of fun and now it's spring and it's time to work it off.

fun is good. it's tasty and delectable. but it's time for a new sort of fun and this sort of fun requires egg whites and vodka sodas interspersed with miles of running and dozens of lunges.

my fun was great, but winter is gone, and with it goes the layers.

forgetful

i do forget the good things sometimes - and there are quite a few good things.

will work to remember them and not let past experiences sully current events.

i am what i am

i'd rather be considered weird by a few than change my personality completely to conform to a norm that is not my own.

everyone has their own weirdness and eccentricities...thankfully, God has made groups of people who embrace and enjoy the company of various levels and types of different behavior. And to us, we define 'normal'.

We all have our own group of misfits that sing to the same tune and dance in the same psychedelic pot-filled drum circle, jumping and spinning, eyes-closed as we listen to the beat, our bare feet pounding the dirty beach sand in unison.

and this is normal to me.
and this is real.
and this is love, understanding and truth.

i love my misfits.

what is this?

arguments and criticisms swirl the phone lines of our long-distance romance.

is this the way it's supposed to be?

i love his sweetness and genuine nature but other times i feel suffocated, losing myself in the critical comments and constant corrections of my opinions, my lifestyle, and worst of all, my grammar, which i foresee as flawless.

is this the way it's supposed to be?

i want to be adored. and understood. and loved!!!!

Aristophanes once said that our ancestors were 4 armed, 2 headed creatures full of pride due to their perfect pairings. Zeus cut them in half to reduce this pride, and thus, since this split, we are all constantly looking for our 2nd half. Unfortunately, hardly anyone ever truly finds this real 2nd half...and thus we keep trying to fit ourselves (successfully and sometimes, unsuccessfully) with other halfs in order to find that half that cleanly connects to our puzzled edges.

sometimes i feel as if i am smashing my edges against yours hoping that i can force a facetious fit.

other times i am hoping i can mold our edged puzzled pieces to connect beautifully.

let's see.

snow and chaos

shuttles are canceled

classes are 'come at your own risk'

and now my way home - a decidedly constant means of transportation - is 50/50.

snow in D.C. is considered an apocalyptic event.

everyone needs to calm down.

perhaps

perhaps i spoke to soon

perhaps i didn't

in my sober melancholy normalcy, i realize that i think i certainly blogged too soon.

butterflies and tennis balls

in my soco and lime haze, i realize i am in love with you.

butterflies in my stomach and a tennis ball in my throat stop the words from erupting into the 4 am new york city air and floating up one foot from my mouth and into your ear.

and that's how i know...butterflies and tennis balls.