epiphanies galore

so - one of my closest friends is leaving new york and although i'm sad to see her go, i'm also really inspired.

i remember a few years ago i was talking to my mom and i said 'i just want everything to be the way it is right now - i don't want to leave school, i don't want my friends to go to different places, no, no and no.'

my mom told me (in a parental way, so mind you i'm not quoting directly here) that i needed to realize that things change, people move where the wind takes them, and everyone's going to do what they need to do, not what I want them to do - so I should do the same.

I definitely agreed and still agree with those words - and I think i've been good at doing what I need to do thus far.

Anyways, getting back to my friend who's leaving - I'm so inspired.

I'm inspired to do what I want to do, and what I need to do to grow as a person. I feel like I've been stagnant for a while and it's time for some movement!

Just because West Coast b-schools rejected my hopeful application doesn't mean I'm not west-coast bound - and so I am planning to pursue my west coast dreams. Maybe I won't get there in 6 months or a year..and maybe once I have it in hand I won't want it anymore - but damnit I'm allowed to pursue it.

Also, my company offers international 6 month - 1 year positions - and I'm applying to this as well. Maybe I won't get it - maybe I will. but it's time for a change and I'm working towards making that happen.

I'm also going to finally write the pitch I've been meaning to write all month - and send out my work to various places. I want to see my work in print! Not pixel computer screen "print", but real actual physical page-flipping print!

in conclusion - my epiphany is to be happy and do what i want.

26 here i am.

you were it

people probably wonder what i'm doing with my life - why i'm wasting time with men i know won't last a fortnight - maybe it's cuz i want a hand to hold - and the hand i want is yours but you're gone so i'm trying to find temporary replacement hand holders.

you were it - and you broke me - and it scares me to say it...but i think i waste time with others who i know are useless b/c i don't really want to be with anyone else for real.

i'll always miss you. thanks for ruining me.

therapist needed.