Sunday, December 28, 2008

God Bless the USA

We're really lucky we live in America.

Generally speaking, my days aren't spent worrying about suicide bombers walking in to the bank as I take out money for my new $600 handbag, $400 shoes, or $100 dinner - my bags could feed a small village of children, but my mind isn't in Africa, India, or some other nation in need.  My mind is on that that crisp python snake skin metallic Michael Kors tote that beckoned to me from the Soho showroom.  

If I go to a restaurant, the worry about picking up a life threatening disease is close to null.

When we see airplanes in the sky, we hardly notice.  We only look up if it's writing a message in the sky - an advertisement for beer, a proposal, a sports victory cheer.  We don't worry that seeing an airplane will result in an airstrike.

There is poverty - but even that is sheltered poverty.  I see the same "homeless" people on the streets everyday, with their cardboard signs, their dogs, and their cellphones.  Note:  If you have a cellphone, you have the ability to get a job.

Poverty anywhere else is children with transparent skin, empty eyes, and protruding bones. Begging mothers, angry men, and wailing babies.

That is poverty.  That is fear.

Perhaps it's all relative.  But sometimes it feels that we are truly blessed.

I can't help but wonder - why me? why them?  Perhaps the more fortunate are here to help the less.  Yet, the majority of us live in our little plastic castles under the sea - trivialities consume us, and only the really special (or maybe just really determined) make it to the surface of the fishbowl, gasping in the air of ailments, poverty, starvation, and war that is just above the surface, unable for most of us to see.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

pakistan and india

Listening to their discussions about impending wars between Pakistan and India, I feel slightly ignorant.  I know enough to get by, but to speak so assuredly about the possible future of both countries is not something I can do. I'm American, of Indian descent.  My depth of historic knowledge covering the Revolutionary and Civil War here in the states.  Perhaps this will be an issue in the long run.  

'She's Indian-Punjabi' - he says as he nods over to me.
I look up at them perplexed, as they gape and break into fits of laughter.
"She's Indian Punjabi and you're Pakistani Punjabi - hahahaha"

I don't get it.

He thinks we're different because he's from Pakistan and I'm from India.  

I think we're different because I'm from Manhattan and he's from Connecticut.

to-may-to - to-mah-to.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

what dreams may come

i had a dream about you...again.

i don't know how many times this has been.

i bet you don't know how i feel AT ALL.  i wonder if you think about me ever.  I wonder - do you dislike me?  do you think i dislike you?

i woke up with a horrible stomach-ache and had to hold my stomach tightly with my arms while i bent down - scrounged up into a little ball, hoping the pain would die out.  Then a gasp, and an awful cry - and my heart started to beat fast.

i have an issue with my heart - whenever I get too scared or too sad, it beats too hard and starts to hurt really bad. Then I have to stand or lie perfectly straight and try to breath in deeply, but the deeper I breath the sharper the sting, so I end up taking short tiny breaths until the pain subsides.  I think it means it's breaking - no one else believes that concept, so I have to go see another doctor this week.  

my therapist says i am in a deep mourning.

to which i reply, 'but it's been 3 years'

to which he replies 'it doesn't matter'

that will be $200.00 - healthcare doesn't cover sadness.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

dirty talk

talk to me about the moon and the stars and speak other centuries-old romantic prose.

anything more direct in the bedroom only makes me blush.

i'm not an obscenities in the bedroom type of girl.

Monday, December 8, 2008


I met your doppelganger last night.  Actually, I guess 'doppelganger' isn't the right term.  In the literary sense, 'Doppelganger' has kind of a negative connotation. So I suppose I met your 'look a like', your 'sound a like', your 'act a like' and I don't know what word would fit those 3 phrases best.  But I met him. He held my hand for a second, and I noticed he wore frayed threads strewn together in a bracelet form on his left wrist. I remembered how I bought you one once because I knew you loved them so.  I think in my mojito and martini haze, I may have mentioned your wrist bracelet obsession to him.  Actually, I may have told him all about you. He didn't seem to mind. He held my hand for a second, and for a second I thought it was you.  

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

vampire love

i believe it's the dangerous, yet protective edge that allures me to the idea of falling in love with a real-life vampire. Perhaps it's the post-Santa Clause age fantasy for tween/teen-aged girls, but there's something about the idea that excites me.

Unfortunately, I'm a 20-something, not a something-teen.

Vampires are generally described as pale-faced, tall, masculine, strong creatures with beautiful facial features that cause humans to be allured by them. (hence making it easier to dive in for the 'kill') I think it's the aesthetic qualities, tied in with the 'good-vampire' ideal that makes this type of mate so appealing. A "bad guy turned good". What every woman fantasizes about. Perhaps this is why, when good, soft-natured guys come my way - I generally don't appreciate them as much. I don't want the good cop. I want the fanged and masculine vampire to come and whisk me away and be taunted by the scent of my blood, but to go against his primal instincts of killing me, because his love for me is too deep.

vampire love is hot right now.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

tween-aged obsession

20-something: guys i wish there were really vampires out i could date one
silver surfer: I'm glad there's no vampires, but some people actually believe they exist, and want to become one. You can date them, but I'm sure they're sketchy.

my friends make me laugh - the throw-your-head-back kind of laughter - which is, let's face it, the absolute best kind.