pomengranate

yesterday i cut my very first pomengranate.

i've eaten this delight before but cutting it myself is another story.

from this experience, i've decided that the pomengranate is a very sensual fruit

This red circular root-like fruit, I sliced once to reveal a juicy blood red color. As you crack the pieces you find layers and layers of bright ruby red pomengranate seeds. The red juice drips out staining your cutting board, staining your hands, staining your clothes as you peel and cut, peel and cut. The red seeds seem like tiny beating droplets as you crack the paper-like layer that reveals this gorgeous color, nature's beauty.

Sparkling ruby red seeds encased in thin paper encased in strong orb-like fruit.

Cutting a pomegranate actually makes me horny.

Also hungry.

tuesday

today:
non fat yogurt, blueberries, almonds
salad of mixed greens, baby tomatoes, cucumbers, chick peas, avocado, crunched up tortilla chips, squeeze of lime, bit of lime-cilantro dressing - YUM.
1 tall non fat salted caramel hot chocolate - EEK
pita, hummus, tabouli, babaganoush - 5-6 french fries - meh

workout = 2.5 mile walk with 7lb laptop in tow

overall good day with a few pangs of pains and dare i say it, a few flailing butterflies.

today

7-8 -- kickboxing class
then nonfat yogurt with blueberries and almonds
then oatmeal with dried fruit and more almonds (@ starbucks)
full now

rest of the week - salads, oatmeal, yogurt berries.

until thursday.

running 5 miles thursday, friday saturday sunday.

i know i say it a lot - but after this weekend...i've decided - i need to get it back. "it"

first kiss

anytime someone i really like kisses me for the first time, i get knots in my stomach and
the first thing i think about while we're kissing is
"Oh my God, please don't break my heart."

now isn't that delightful?

meal log

tuesday:

blueberries, nonfat yogurt, a sprinkle of granola
5 baby carrots and a non-fat string cheese
1 delicious salted caramel truffle with a 4 oz cup of whole milk drinking chocolate
2 egg whites, 1/2 a 100 calorie pita, a bit of steamed spinach, raw baby tomatoes and red and green pepppers, 3 slices of fresh mozzarella and a bit of pesto
360 calories worth of dark chocolate covered chocolate peels

2.3 mile walk with approx 10 lbs of stuff on my back and shoulders (ouch)

tomorrow - 7 am kickboxing - promise! and no chocolate!!! (hm..i don't promise that part. tee hee)

on sex

i won't be having sex until i'm married.

i'll do everything but the actual deed.

not because of any religious reasons.

not because i'm a prude.

not because i'm 'saving myself'

the truth is, i would gladly give it up if it weren't for my sanity.

i kiss a guy and i get attached. it doesn't work out and i am sad.

i spend 12 months with one, and i become even more attached. we break up, and i am devastated. i go a little crazy, i feel a little schizo.

if i slept with a guy and things didn't work out, i would not be able to function. literally. unfunctionable.

so i don't have sex because i want to save my sanity.

put a ring on it and then i'll rock your world. promise.

what i ate today

plain nonfat yogurt with blueberries and a touch of granola
1 low-fat string cheese
small bowl of raw peppers, cucumbers and carrots with lime and salt and pepper
1 skim milk no whip 10-12 oz. hot chocolate
baked fish, brown rice, steamed broccoli (win!)
1 cookie bigger (FAIL) than my head and 2 cups of green tea (ok)

walked 2 miles with a 7 lb laptop in the morning.

no other real workout all day.

tomorrow's plan: go kickboxing! eat well!

rejected nytimes piece

on 12/18/08, i submitted the following piece to the nytimes modern love section. It was rejected. I was reviewing it today randomly and I realized that I don't even remember the guy I wrote about. I think it may be partly fictional..either that or my memory is a lot worse than I thought. It's interesting how I've changed (and not changed) as a writer...and as a person. These days - I say 'I love you' first even when I'm not sure how the other person feels. Those days, I was much more cautious. I can't decide which way is better. Feel free to read the below and give me your thoughts:

Kitchen Affections

I made salmon for the first boy I ever loved. There were no candles, no dimmed lighting, just me in the kitchen and him on a barstool eating and attempting to simultaneously study for finals. It was over fish and physics that I knew I loved him, and all I could do was hope that my grilled to perfection salmon would translate this fact.

Showing affection thru cooking and baking didn't stop with the salmon. I've made cookies for my crushes, politically correct cupcakes for my vegan brother, sugar-free cake for my diabetic grandmothers, blueberry muffins for my sweet-toothed father, and spicy enchiladas for my Mexican-craving mama. All in an effort to express my love, without having to particularly sit and awkwardly say the words.

The saying 'actions speak louder than words' became my motto, and with each squabble with a family member or quickened heartbeat amongst a man, there came a sweet or savory indulgence.

That's not to say that 'I love you' has never been spoken. In the 3 am haze, also known as '4 martinis on an empty stomach later', I've been known to scream 'I love you guys!' to the closest of friends as we dizzily eat corner deli pizza and aggravate the equally intoxicated bystanders by our girlish squeals and shrieks.

Family members and friends didn't seem to notice my hesitance, but lovers certainly did. When each 'you're so gorgeous', 'I really like you', and finally the highly anticipated 'I love you', was followed by a conscientious smile or a bright red color to completely cover my face, the likes and loves of my life slowly left for more verbally inept girls. My salmon-eating boyfriend was the first to go, and I was shocked that my well-marinated fish wasn't enough to make him stay.

I finally decided it was time open my mouth and communicate and the next man I felt anything for would be the lucky one to hear me say the words. When I met him, I felt an instantaneous attraction. In my personal experience, men to whom I am instantaneously attracted end up being very useless, wanting me only for the physical here and now, none of which constitute a relationship. But this man was different, and as we spent weeks discussing our similar love for swimming, reading, and Manhattan dining, I knew this was a lingering spark. I was smitten, perhaps not in love, but in the very serious 'like' stage of a blossoming relationship. So I went for it; my heart beating rapidly and my throat suddenly parched. As we walked along 1^st Avenue, our hands intertwined, talking about nothing in particularly, I interrupted and said quite forcefully, "You know…I'm starting to really like you." The pause that followed was just long enough for me to feel what all men past must have felt with my pauses. He smiled slowly and sarcastically said, "Wow. So emotional." I left him for my kitchen a few weeks later, the aromas of dark baking chocolate, pumpkin, tomatoes, and basil filling up my apartment and attempting to heal my heart.

i love

market segmentation

i love it.

so much. <3

thank you

thank you to my friends for putting up with me as i drone on and on like a broken record.

thank you for picking up the phone even though you know its just so i can vent and vent and vent some more

thank you for responding to my texts

thank you for being patient thank you for your advice thank you for your love

thank you for not telling me that i'm obsessing, that i need to get over it, that i need to stop calling you to vent about it! (even if you wanted to say these things, than you for sparing me that honesty :)

thank you thank you - i will never forget it.

i love you and am so thankful for good friends. <3

cheat days

weekends are cheat days consisting of 8 miles of walking to and from school - thus i believe i deserve the treat.

today:
1 large apple + almonds
iron pill
walked 2 miles
1 large cookie + drinking chocolate
paella, shrimp jambalya, a biscuit, a bite-sized tart
felt a bit sick after - walked 2 miles
plain nonfat yogurt + quite a bit of granola

not the healthiest day but not the worst

tomorrow:

boxing
yogurt, blueberries, a little granola (9 am)
mini pepper, cucumber, avocado and carrot salad (homemade) (1 pm)
string cheese + 1 egg boiled egg (4pm)
edamame crisps + carrots (6pm)
salad or egg whites with tabouli

rough days, long hours, lots of stress and the heart still aches..but i'm pushing on.

goal for thanksgiving = -5 lbs.
goal for 12/31/10 = total weight loss of 10 lbs.

goal for this week:
mon - boxing in am
tuesday - running in the morning - yoga in the pm if time permits
wednesday - boxing in am
thursday - boxing - noon; yoga - pm
friday - yoga
saturday - boxing
sunday - yoga

i'm feeling better these days - keeping yourself busy and focused helps. that being said, i still miss people and circumstances of my past.

ah well - live and learn - nothing in this world is permanent.

yoga boxing running vitamins!

last semester i was a hot mess.

this semester i started out with 2 sessions of bikram in a week (so far)

1 session of boxing and 1 mile of running

loads of walking

i also plan to eat my vitamins and my iron pills

vitamins are key when your diet is lacking...and i'd estimate that at least 70% of city-dwelling 20-30 something have a diet that is lacking in the required amount of daily nutrients.

so my vitamins will be:

1-2 - multi-vitamin
1 - iron pill
1-2- biotin pills
1 - b-12 vitamin

now - if anyone knows me at all, they will know that i hate, hate hate pills. i hate them. i'll be sick for 2 wks before even attempting to swallow a pill.

that being said - health trumps dislike.

now - on to the meals of the day. starting with yesterday:

1) - nonfat plain yogurt, blueberries, granola = win
2)- 6" veggie sub on wheat - with some cheese and baked lays = win
3) - small piece of glazed baked salmon, pesto pasta salad, cucumbers = reasonable win post 90 min bikram session
4) - bag of chocolate covered toffee!!! - fail!

today so far has been:

a couple spoonfuls of plain nonfat yogurt, a few almonds and a serving of wasabi peas..weird, not full of nutrients, but not awful either.

will go for a run later.

its important to stay healthy. one day i plan to hopefully have some babies...since i am already 28, with no future baby daddy insight, i've sadly accepted the fact that i most likely won't have children till post-30. Thus, it will already be harder - and it will be even more challenging if i am deficient in the important vitamins - especially iron.

i can't control my love life - but at least i can control the healthiness of my incubator.

keep this in mind female readers - eat your vitamins! if not for you, then for your future babies!

feel free to laugh. i don't care - it's important!