my last relationship made me lose faith in my abilities and my intellect. that loss of faith is still kind of there except i notice it more and stop myself. isn't it weird how one relationship can you change your esteem so drastically? i don't even blame the person i was with, i blame myself! for being so easily molded. it's embarrassing and its also a life lesson. since then, i sometimes find myself talking to ppl with the expectation that they won't take me seriously. i even find myself laughing at myself just to laugh b/c i'm so used to being taken unseriously. that's a serious issue.
but i've been working on it - gaining back my confidence slowly and effectively - and thanking God every step of the way - not only for ending that experience, but for allowing me to have it to learn from.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
some great advice
i read this on twitter today and found it to be such great advice that I had to retweet, post on facebook, post on my g-chat and now post on my blog! ready?
"Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?""
I thought I had lost my one chance at love, marriage and happiness a few months ago when the guy I thought I was going to marry decided he wasn't ready to commit.
I really sincerely thought that - and although it still hurts even now when I think about the attachment and the closeness that is simply nonexistant now, I read this quote and have to smile.
Because in 5 years it really won't matter. It will be something I laugh about with my friends, with a new truer better love, and hopefully/maybe even smile about as I kiss my kids good night. It won't matter -but it will have helped me get to where I want/need and was supposed to get to.
So do I regret the heartache, the post after post depicting my pain, the long talks with friends agonizing and obsessing over this male? No. I don't. Because I needed it - I needed to have this experience to learn more about myself so that 5 years from now I can read this blog post and laugh at how silly it all seems, as I go to pick up my child from daycare and then come home to my wonderful husband that I never would have met had it not been for what I learned from this relationship that 5 years before seemed all-consuming.
so thank you. for the lessons, the pain, the fun and the love. I needed it, I need it - all to help me move along on the path towards the right one!
"Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?""
I thought I had lost my one chance at love, marriage and happiness a few months ago when the guy I thought I was going to marry decided he wasn't ready to commit.
I really sincerely thought that - and although it still hurts even now when I think about the attachment and the closeness that is simply nonexistant now, I read this quote and have to smile.
Because in 5 years it really won't matter. It will be something I laugh about with my friends, with a new truer better love, and hopefully/maybe even smile about as I kiss my kids good night. It won't matter -but it will have helped me get to where I want/need and was supposed to get to.
So do I regret the heartache, the post after post depicting my pain, the long talks with friends agonizing and obsessing over this male? No. I don't. Because I needed it - I needed to have this experience to learn more about myself so that 5 years from now I can read this blog post and laugh at how silly it all seems, as I go to pick up my child from daycare and then come home to my wonderful husband that I never would have met had it not been for what I learned from this relationship that 5 years before seemed all-consuming.
so thank you. for the lessons, the pain, the fun and the love. I needed it, I need it - all to help me move along on the path towards the right one!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
dr. livingstone, i presume
today i am blogging from livingston, zambia - a country in east africa bordering zimbabwe. Zambia is best known for the Victorian Falls - which are the largest water falls in the country and one of the 7 natural wonders on Earth. I visited the falls today and even hiked around in the forest where the falls are. Walking around you need a raincoat b/c the falls are huge and the mist and water will completely soak you.
While going down (and then later, up) some rocks - I realized how risk-averse I am. Every step I took was cautious and fearful of falling, slipping or running into an animal or gigantic bug.
I can't change who I am - but I can attempt to try some things that are out of my comfort zone, and so perhaps coming to Africa is one of these events.
The trip is lovely so far - and as always, my blog will go back to my 1st love - food. Africa has food that is primarily influenced by England, along with a bit of Indian cuisine as well..which makes sense since the English had control over India for a while. Today I tried Zambian cuisine - which tasted like Ethiopian food - various portions of stewed vegetables along with a sort of solid cornmeal type thing that looked more like cream of wheat and reminded me of injera bread.
The meal was good - and I always appreciate trying local cuisine.
Tomorrow - I go for a day long safari. I'll be honest - seeing a ton of animals doesn't excite me as much as it does my travel-mates...however I think if you come to Africa and don't at least try to see a lion, then its somewhat of a wasted trip.
And on that note, I am off to search for dessert..something I haven't found yet and that I am certainly currently craving!
ciao ciao
While going down (and then later, up) some rocks - I realized how risk-averse I am. Every step I took was cautious and fearful of falling, slipping or running into an animal or gigantic bug.
I can't change who I am - but I can attempt to try some things that are out of my comfort zone, and so perhaps coming to Africa is one of these events.
The trip is lovely so far - and as always, my blog will go back to my 1st love - food. Africa has food that is primarily influenced by England, along with a bit of Indian cuisine as well..which makes sense since the English had control over India for a while. Today I tried Zambian cuisine - which tasted like Ethiopian food - various portions of stewed vegetables along with a sort of solid cornmeal type thing that looked more like cream of wheat and reminded me of injera bread.
The meal was good - and I always appreciate trying local cuisine.
Tomorrow - I go for a day long safari. I'll be honest - seeing a ton of animals doesn't excite me as much as it does my travel-mates...however I think if you come to Africa and don't at least try to see a lion, then its somewhat of a wasted trip.
And on that note, I am off to search for dessert..something I haven't found yet and that I am certainly currently craving!
ciao ciao
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
dull ache
i have this dull ache in my heart that isn't going away.
its there - in the back - constantly aching. it's better than it was. i can get through the day without crying now. I can get up and do things without constantly coveting a year ago. I can be practical and understand that this is for the absolute 100% best.
but nevertheless, there is a dull ache inside of my heart - its dull, barely audible now, just slowly gnawing away at my over-emotional entity, wishing someone would hear it and make it go away with bouts of affection and kept promises.
but no. the dull ache continues, slowly and carefully plucking away at the sutured strings of my broken broken heart.
its there - in the back - constantly aching. it's better than it was. i can get through the day without crying now. I can get up and do things without constantly coveting a year ago. I can be practical and understand that this is for the absolute 100% best.
but nevertheless, there is a dull ache inside of my heart - its dull, barely audible now, just slowly gnawing away at my over-emotional entity, wishing someone would hear it and make it go away with bouts of affection and kept promises.
but no. the dull ache continues, slowly and carefully plucking away at the sutured strings of my broken broken heart.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
descriptive tmi.
-if i drink alcohol when i'm on my period, i have cramps that feel as if someone cut me open and poured alcohol on my uterus.
-when i have cramps these days, i lie down and put my computer/warm battery charger on my stomach to ease the pain
-i cry
-i curse
-i eat nothing all day and then indulge in chocolate at night
-i become irresponsible
-tired
-nauseaus/dizzy
-a bit depressed
-have the need to clean and organize every thing in sight (pre .)
-all this for a . !?
lame.
-when i have cramps these days, i lie down and put my computer/warm battery charger on my stomach to ease the pain
-i cry
-i curse
-i eat nothing all day and then indulge in chocolate at night
-i become irresponsible
-tired
-nauseaus/dizzy
-a bit depressed
-have the need to clean and organize every thing in sight (pre .)
-all this for a . !?
lame.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
eek
didn't even last a day with any of my challenges!
though i have drank green tea for the past 2 days - i may remove that one though since caffeine isn't really something to challenge yourself to drink more of.
ok - vitamin challenge and cab challenge will begin tomorrow - let's go slower with these challenges.
diet this weekend was poor - but workouts were intensive so at least that's balanced.
let's see how this week goes!
though i have drank green tea for the past 2 days - i may remove that one though since caffeine isn't really something to challenge yourself to drink more of.
ok - vitamin challenge and cab challenge will begin tomorrow - let's go slower with these challenges.
diet this weekend was poor - but workouts were intensive so at least that's balanced.
let's see how this week goes!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
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