but of you + her
you+ her, entering my subconscious
this is unacceptable
there should be a 'do not enter' sign in my subconscious REM state where certain images and people are just not allowed to enter.
in other news,
the other day i saw an ex sitting at a table in a restaurant that i happened to walk by. we both looked up at the same moment and shared a glance; me from outside and him from in, which is pretty accurate since our entire relationship was me trying to get in. But this time, I saw him and he saw me, and instead of going in for the cordial 'hello nice to see you after so long' waste of time conversation - I sprinted away. Literally. Sprinted. Feeling free with no regrets - I may have even skipped a little. Knowing you meant nothing to me now, even though you once consumed pages of prose, I now don't care enough to say 'hello'.
I hope if I see you I'll do the same. Last time I saw you randomly, it was on the F train and after you got off at your stop, I had to sit down with my head between my legs, the wind had literally been knocked out of me and I was dizzy and sick.
People only have an effect on you if you let them. So my goal is to not allow this effect to take place if I see you again.
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